RHOBH—Nacho Please, Doritos

Well we are about half done with this season (one can hope) and here’s what we’ve learned so far:

1) Jackets are not for arms anymore.  Jackets are shoulder candy meant to dangle ever-s0-gracefully off one’s shoulders whilst they are dining, whining, performing or informing,

2) Dorit has gotten out her ‘A Dummies Guide to Being a Season Two Housewife’ (a barely-used copy lent to her by Kelly Dodd) and is following the steps copiously:  A) Be ready to jab the new girl.  For NO reason except your just grateful you’re not the new girl. B) Up your game with a glam squad. < However Dorit’s glam squad compared to Team Mikey and East Coast Housewives primpers Julius and Priscilla appears to be secured via a Groupon for Priv.>.  I hearby  sentence whomever conceptualized her coconut oil wet-head look to a life of bad skin and thin hair for committing such heinous beauty crimes.  C)  Interns!  Get some interns.  Interns make you sound important and they are built-in friends. See: Bethenny.  Interns make your fake company sound real.  I mean c’mon… Are we really gonna see Dorit swimwear in Nordstrom ever?  Right about the same time She Be Sherree and Sonja’s restaurant launch….

 

 

Yes, Dorit Lemel Kemsley is having quite a season isn’t she? She is knocking shit over faster than Arya Stark adds names to her list.   As Andy  said on radio yesterday “she’s good for television.”  Presumably because people tune in to either love or hate her.  Last year,  I concurred that she was a good cast for just that reason, even though I personally did not like her.  This year, she makes me want to turn it off.  It’s so played.   Can she really be that extra and non self-aware?  OH also — here’s how you speak Dorito (the native language of Connecticut via Israel and The Valley by way of Wales).  Anytime a word ends in “D”  say it with a  “T”   Try it! It’s fun: “Kyle, that’s not what you  saiT.”   “Leeeesa, you totally reaT into what I was meaning”. Now you sound just like her. Lucky you.

Then I had an epiphany.   Maybe she’s a reallllly good actress?  Maybe just maybe Dorit GETS the national joke that is being played on all of us…that is herself.  Maybe, much like Kelley Anne Conway, she’s willing to be the bull in a fake fur shop JUST to be in the show and distract from the 101 other real problems that could be discussed…?  Perhaps she doesn’t actually care which snifter, flute or stem she sips from and does have the manners to know that real cultured people don’t point out glassware rules or make loud announcements as to how they will participate in someone’s event (or not).   Maybe she is just next-level Oscar-worthy great and is single-handedly trying to save the show?

Or maybe I slammed Tide Pods for breakfast and am going crazier than Vicki’s staring at a Ford Econoline.

What do you think?   Is she totally out of bounds this year or does she still deserve her diamond?

 

—- Jill Lemel Frankel-Zarin Umansky Hickey, who apologizes that her list only ended up including 2 bullet points.  The Dorit pondering got me so down a worm hole that I couldn’t get back.  (Much like Dorit has done to the rest of the women (and US) the first 11 episodes of S8…)

 

*

Share:
Share