Melissa Gorga Addresses Book Controversy


Melissa Gorga refuses to rehash the fight with Johnny and Penny in the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, so she’s using her Bravo Blog to address the controversy surrounding her book. Melissa says the original report didn’t include everything Joe wrote, she says his words were not meant to be taken literal.

Melissa writes, “Regarding the quote in the book about Joe saying every woman wants to have her hair pulled and clothes ripped off sometimes: First if all, it’s not meant to read literally. Joe would be in serious trouble if he tore my clothes! His point is that women like feeling taken — within the trust and safety of a mutually respectful relationship. Fans of Fifty Shades of Grey can attest that there’s a difference between racy and “rapey.” When Joe and I talk about dominance and submission, it’s racy. It’s about a man being a man, a woman being a woman, a man taking charge and a woman letting it happen — consensually! There are times I play hard to get, and Joe knows those signals. But when I am not in the mood, Joe doesn’t force me to do ANYTHING. In the Jezebel article, the reporter failed to quote another line from the book when Joe says, “She’s not in mood to have sex? How about a three-minute massage instead? Men need to be touched. Skin on skin. A kiss, a hug, a massage. That’s enough on some nights.” Or when Joe wrote “My wife is my life. I live to make her happy. I like it when she tells me what she wants.”

When I refuse my husband, I do it nicely. I don’t slap his hand and say, “Get away from me.” The article took me to task for this. How can anyone find fault in showing kindness? I just don’t get it. I should make my husband feel like a pervert for wanting me? What purpose would that serve? Hey, I’m a nice person. I say “no” with kindness. Ladies, you won’t go to your grave wishing you’d humiliated your husband more often. I never regret being kind, to anyone, at any time, especially my husband.

To the point that, in a marriage, sometimes you have sex because your partner wants to, even if you’re not so into it: I defy anyone in a long-term relationship, man or woman, to say that they’ve never done it for their partner’s sake once in a while. It’s called compromise and compassion for the person you love and trust most in the world. There is nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with admitting it. I also made the point that, if you’re not so into it initially, you might change your mind a few minutes later, and wind up glad you said, “Okay, let’s go.”

About my saying that I need my husband: You bet I need him, and he needs me. I’m proud of that! Our family is our world. We turn to each other for support, love, and affection. We depend on each other to raise our kids, run our home, and pay the bills. Again, I defy any couple in a happy marriage to say they don’t need their spouse. If independence is a matter of principle for women, then why get married at all? Saying “I don’t need anyone” might make some women feel happy, secure, and superior. Not me. I love being married and depending on Joe, just as he loves being married and depending on me. Our need for each other doubles our joy and halves our pain. It’s how we share our lives.

Regarding our parenting style, how Joe said he doesn’t change diapers. The article pulled out one sentence, but failed to include the entire passage. Here it is, in full: “Some guys change one diaper or give a baby one bottle, and declare themselves Super Dad. They hand the baby back to Mommy, and then go to the garage to putter around or sneak off to their office to look at porn. I don’t feed babies, or change the diapers. My father never wiped my ass, and I don’t either. But, I get on the floor and play with my kids for hours.” This is what I mean when I say that the quotes were taken out of context. And guess what? My kids are out of diapers. They’re done with bottles. But Joe still runs around with the kids, and plays with them for hours.

Finally, to the issue that I’m a throwback housewife: I concur. I am a “housewife.” I’m also a Housewife. I cook and clean; I’m on TV, am a recording artist, and now a published author. I treat my husband like a king; he treats me like a queen; I wrote a book about it. I’m an unapologetic traditional wifey, and that makes me happy. So does singing, writing, and meeting fans. I do find it ironic that some viewers of the show say that Joe is my puppet, and then criticize my book and say that he’s a control freak rapist. The truth is: he’s a passionate, red-blooded man who loves and respects me, just as I love and respect him.

In our marriage, we do whatever we can to make each other happy, and we succeed. If it makes my husband happy to have a hot meal on the table when he comes home from work, I cook for him. I love to cook. It’s not such a giant sacrifice. And if it makes me happy to sing and record music, he builds a studio for me in the basement. He also supports me to no end, tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful every single day, and has my back no matter what. That being said, if he’s unhappy with something I’ve said or done, he tells me. And vice versa. We correct each other. Our marriage is a two-way street.”

Photo Credit: Instagram



My name is Nicki. I am 32 years-old and married to my best friend. I was previously in business for over 12 years, but I’ve always had a great passion for web and graphic design. Another one of my passions, of course, is to escape into the world of TV, which is where this journey began. My goal in starting AllThingsRH.com was to give fans, like myself, a place to catch up on all the latest news and gossip about The Real Housewives. I wanted to create a place where viewers could interact with each other, share their opinions, and get straight-forward and unbiased information about what’s going on. I am proud of the diversity this site has to offer.

  • Love In Chains

    You don’t owe anyone any kind of explanation, Melissa. The people who are finding fault with everything you say and write will continue to do so. Let it go, let them hate away. In the end it will only eat them up. Unfortunately, a lot of fans fall into the Kim D category, they don’t want the dysfunction to end. Enjoy your life and your family and close your ears to everything else. I have watched RHO-_ of all areas. It seems to ruin families and friendships. The Bravo blogs, they won’t print my messages, they print the extremes, they print the haters, they seem perpetuate the hate. I always try copy my messages, because while Bravo blog editors won’t print them, other places do. You can read this and the others and wonder why they keep printing the same hate filled messages from the same hate filled viewers, whose every utterance gets attention there at those blogs. They don’t want stuff like this, they want the hate filled drama. Best of luck to you and your family and your friends! Thank you for sharing your life with us. I cheered your triumphs and I cried with your pain. It has been quite an adventure! I love all of you on RHONJ even Teresa & Joe but Teresa has changed so much since the beginning, I really adored her at the start of NJ!

  • Anonymous

    BOYCOTT BRAVO if Teresa isn’t fired!!! She has been arrested on 39 counts for being a thief and liar. Why should we support a criminal!

  • Melodie

    Melissa you do not have to justify your book and what you wrote in it. I have not read it but the portions that I have read are how you and Joe make it work and that is ALL that is important. Don’t let anyone tarnish your words or your marriage. Those who comment negatively are only jealous of what you have. You do have it all and that is wonderful. No marriage is perfect and if someone says it is they need their meds checked. The fact that people have condemned you because there is a statement about your gentle or rough sex life they are just jealous. What people do in their bedroom is their own business. You go girl

  • Melodie

    Hey Anonymous we get it stop sending the boycott posts. No one cares about what you write. Bravo is going to do whatever is going to make them money if that means keeping teresa oh well. I think Teresa is the one who is an idiot if she stays on the show. THis trial which is not going to happen for a very long time is going to put them under the microscope. Every penny they spend is going to have to be justified and they are going to have to explain where the money came to pay for it.
    Let it go. People are not going to Boycott Bravo because of your post.

  • Jack

    People need educate themselves, she is justifying maritial rape in the book. If you cannot see it you need to read up about gender equality, gender issues, everyday sexism, rape culture and patriarchy.