Melissa Gorga refuses to rehash the fight with Johnny and Penny in the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, so she’s using her Bravo Blog to address the controversy surrounding her book. Melissa says the original report didn’t include everything Joe wrote, she says his words were not meant to be taken literal.
Melissa writes, “Regarding the quote in the book about Joe saying every woman wants to have her hair pulled and clothes ripped off sometimes: First if all, it’s not meant to read literally. Joe would be in serious trouble if he tore my clothes! His point is that women like feeling taken — within the trust and safety of a mutually respectful relationship. Fans of Fifty Shades of Grey can attest that there’s a difference between racy and “rapey.” When Joe and I talk about dominance and submission, it’s racy. It’s about a man being a man, a woman being a woman, a man taking charge and a woman letting it happen — consensually! There are times I play hard to get, and Joe knows those signals. But when I am not in the mood, Joe doesn’t force me to do ANYTHING. In the Jezebel article, the reporter failed to quote another line from the book when Joe says, “She’s not in mood to have sex? How about a three-minute massage instead? Men need to be touched. Skin on skin. A kiss, a hug, a massage. That’s enough on some nights.” Or when Joe wrote “My wife is my life. I live to make her happy. I like it when she tells me what she wants.”
When I refuse my husband, I do it nicely. I don’t slap his hand and say, “Get away from me.” The article took me to task for this. How can anyone find fault in showing kindness? I just don’t get it. I should make my husband feel like a pervert for wanting me? What purpose would that serve? Hey, I’m a nice person. I say “no” with kindness. Ladies, you won’t go to your grave wishing you’d humiliated your husband more often. I never regret being kind, to anyone, at any time, especially my husband.
To the point that, in a marriage, sometimes you have sex because your partner wants to, even if you’re not so into it: I defy anyone in a long-term relationship, man or woman, to say that they’ve never done it for their partner’s sake once in a while. It’s called compromise and compassion for the person you love and trust most in the world. There is nothing wrong with that, and nothing wrong with admitting it. I also made the point that, if you’re not so into it initially, you might change your mind a few minutes later, and wind up glad you said, “Okay, let’s go.”
About my saying that I need my husband: You bet I need him, and he needs me. I’m proud of that! Our family is our world. We turn to each other for support, love, and affection. We depend on each other to raise our kids, run our home, and pay the bills. Again, I defy any couple in a happy marriage to say they don’t need their spouse. If independence is a matter of principle for women, then why get married at all? Saying “I don’t need anyone” might make some women feel happy, secure, and superior. Not me. I love being married and depending on Joe, just as he loves being married and depending on me. Our need for each other doubles our joy and halves our pain. It’s how we share our lives.
Regarding our parenting style, how Joe said he doesn’t change diapers. The article pulled out one sentence, but failed to include the entire passage. Here it is, in full: “Some guys change one diaper or give a baby one bottle, and declare themselves Super Dad. They hand the baby back to Mommy, and then go to the garage to putter around or sneak off to their office to look at porn. I don’t feed babies, or change the diapers. My father never wiped my ass, and I don’t either. But, I get on the floor and play with my kids for hours.” This is what I mean when I say that the quotes were taken out of context. And guess what? My kids are out of diapers. They’re done with bottles. But Joe still runs around with the kids, and plays with them for hours.
Finally, to the issue that I’m a throwback housewife: I concur. I am a “housewife.” I’m also a Housewife. I cook and clean; I’m on TV, am a recording artist, and now a published author. I treat my husband like a king; he treats me like a queen; I wrote a book about it. I’m an unapologetic traditional wifey, and that makes me happy. So does singing, writing, and meeting fans. I do find it ironic that some viewers of the show say that Joe is my puppet, and then criticize my book and say that he’s a control freak rapist. The truth is: he’s a passionate, red-blooded man who loves and respects me, just as I love and respect him.
In our marriage, we do whatever we can to make each other happy, and we succeed. If it makes my husband happy to have a hot meal on the table when he comes home from work, I cook for him. I love to cook. It’s not such a giant sacrifice. And if it makes me happy to sing and record music, he builds a studio for me in the basement. He also supports me to no end, tells me he loves me and that I am beautiful every single day, and has my back no matter what. That being said, if he’s unhappy with something I’ve said or done, he tells me. And vice versa. We correct each other. Our marriage is a two-way street.”
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