LeeAnne Locken is taking to her blog to react to Brandi Redmond and Stephanie Hollman’s make up. Locken admits that of course she was afraid that Stephanie would convince Brandi to turn on her once they made amends. She also dishes on her Halloween costume and what Stephanie and Cary say behind her back.
“Of course, I was shocked to have been invited to Stephanie’s party! This is the part of Steph that continues to bewilder me, even now. You say I’m a horrible person, but please come to my party? Seriously? No doubt, I kind of felt like she only invited me to get Brandi there. My biggest issue with Steph is her inconsistency; she’s all over the place, and her actions never match up with her words. How can you live like that? It’s a huge reason why we don’t connect. Granted, I know that she was overloaded with negative opinions from Marie, but at some point, you have to actually be the independent person you keep claiming you want to be and make an effort to gain an accurate assessment of people. Otherwise, you’re relying on others…again to decide your thoughts. To this day, I’m still waiting for that. Moral: growing up and being independent means standing your ground, owning your choices, and being fair to others.
When Brandi said that they were meeting, I was happy! Finally, they were going to make time to talk, which I’d been saying the whole time: They. Need. To. Talk. I know that may shock everyone, but the truth is that I would never stand between two friends who were struggling to find their way back to each other. I wanted Brandi to have resolution and/or closure, in whatever form that meant. Last summer left Brandi with very little personal peace, and I deeply wanted her to regain that. I told her several times that if she and Steph wanted to reunite, that I was 100 percent there for them, but I was also honest with her that I had genuine and well-founded concerns about how Steph and I would move forward. Was I concerned for Brandi, also? 100 percent. Stephanie has “stepped over” Brandi several times, and that’s not friendship.
I would not be completely transparent if I didn’t say of course, I was afraid that Steph would convince Brandi to give up her friendship with me. That’s just logical thinking. After all, it wasn’t until Stephanie backed away that Brandi even gave me a chance. More honesty: My time with Brandi meant something; I saw so much of me in her and wanted her to find happiness. In the end, she has a place in my heart, and that real estate doesn’t come by often.
Let’s talk about that horror of a Halloween party. As much as everyone wants to believe that I charged right in for a fight, I didn’t. After my therapy session, I struggled with my decision and even considered not going at all. I want to be very clear: I did not tell D’Andra about my costume for the reason she stated. She would not have approved. I’ll admit, there is still a big part of me that is a little child, who wants to lash out at the world that hurts me. Maybe it meant nothing to Steph to say the things she did in that text, but it hurt me. Going as Two Face allowed me to say how I felt without actually saying it. For more clarity: at the party, I explained to Stephanie why I wore my costume, and she apologized for making me feel that way. The party ended peacefully with my apology to her for wearing it.
Was my costume a test for Brandi? What? No. Not even close. Brandi doesn’t owe me anything, so what is there to test? But also, I don’t “test” my friends. However, I do test acquaintances, like Cary.
In Steph’s confessional, when she declared that I am “up to my old ways,” I laughed. I mean, she’s known me for maybe 2 or 3 years? What “old ways” date back that far? Again, words/actions/inconsistent/confusion/bewilder. Ultimately, I find it very sad that she seems so happy when she declares that her friendship with Brandi is killing me. Why would that make someone happy? That would only make someone who is really unhappy and bored, happy. The truth is, it’s not killing me at all. I’m sorry to take away one more excuse for Steph to be angry, as she makes so much of her anger (albeit, in her sweet way) about me, which I find slightly contrived. Honestly, I’m not sure if I should give her the “Two Face” wig so she can complete her look or the number to my therapist.
Here’s what I’ve found: Stephanie and Cary are the kind of people who need someone else to lean on or prop themselves up against. I am not, nor will I ever be, that kind of person. I am strong, independent, mouthy, ballsy and a little crazy (therapy is helping), but mostly, I am my own being. I don’t need anyone else to complete me – otherwise, my everything would crumble each time someone leaves. God, eternal and un-abandoning, created me and he doesn’t make mistakes.”
Photo Credit: Bravo