On the RHOBH Erika Girardi always seems so calm in the face of drama, but that wasn’t always the case.
“I had everything that you want. Every material object. Everything. But inside my core I still wasn’t satisfied,” she told ABC News Nightline, pointing out that her anxiety did create her alter-ego Erika Jayne.
“I felt like I was just not being myself. I felt like I was hiding. I was hiding from me. I was hiding from sparkle and magic and fun and fearlessness and music and dance and creative magic… I just knew I had feelings. I knew I had thoughts. I knew I had things I wanted to say. Listen, I’m rebellious. Okay? I always have been. And Erika Jayne is a little bit of a rebel too.”
Finding those specific characteristics can still be sometimes hard to find for Erika, “It wasn’t like overnight I became this like fearless badass that said, ‘You know what? I’m going to just jump out here on faith and do whatever I want.’ That was a slow process,” she said. “But what can I say? It’s what I created.”
Erika did mention how she doe still have insecurities, “I think that I suffer from what every woman suffers from, which is never being pretty enough, never being thin enough, never being enough, never being smart enough,” she said. “You can really whip yourself into a frenzy about all the things you that don’t have instead of all the great things that you do have.”
When it comes to Dancing With the Stars she isn’t letting that get in the way, “I just don’t see those limitations in life. Like someone said to me, ‘How do you feel about dancing against Simone Biles, she’s 20-years-old [on Dancing with the Stars? I said, ‘I don’t want to be 20-years-old anymore. I’m happy being 45,'” she said. “Women my age are valuable, and we have a lot more life to live and so much more to give. All of those old rules, they’ve been broken. Yeah. That’s old way of thinking.”
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