Cary Deuber is defending her husband Mark in her blog this week. Cary writes that just because Mark has a niche for fashion and style that does not make him gay, and calls out “ignorant” people who believe he is.
Deuber also opens up about her lunch with Brandi Redmond, the infamous text message and shares her thoughts about the rift between Brandi and Stephanie Hollman.
“First of all, I want to give a shout out to all of the hardworking moms out there! The struggle is real! Being a working mom is hard. Life is not all about -just you- anymore… It actually feels like it’s about everyone but you! Priorities change, and you just have to hold on. There are definitely days that I struggle to make it through… Make it until I put Zuri to bed and have a moment to myself as I close my eyes. Is it worth it… Yes. I would have it no other way. This is definitely going to be the year for me to find a true balance in my life. Finding this balance can be really difficult. Thousands of moms out there can attest to that, and therefore I only want friends by my side that add positivity to my life; a shoulder to cry on when I need it and to be there to do the same if they need it. We’re all grown-ups, and no one has time to take on unnecessary conflict. I already have to deal with my surgical schedule conflicting with my kid’s soccer practice… don’t really need to add to the list! You see, I don’t have time for bullshit. I need to put the kibosh on drama whenever I can. I need to surround myself with women that lift me up because it is frankly hard enough as a woman to fulfill all of the roles in life. This year has been a challenge trying to find balance and bliss, but I’m thankful for the relationships that have brought me peace, love, and support.
Speaking of… We have a style maker in the house! There is no question that Mark helps me look my best. I’m so proud of him and his passion for style and design. That passion and commitment is a big part of what makes him such a great plastic surgeon. A keen eye for strong aesthetics and an assertive attitude make him great at what he does. So, when Mark was nominated as a Dallas Culture Map Style Maker, it was a pretty exciting deal! Mark’s stylishly European upbringing has been a huge influence on our entire family, and I think it’s amazing (and selfishly convenient for me!). But, I can also already anticipate the nasty remarks; not masculine; not normal? NOT your business! Why do I even have to mention he’s not gay? Are the trolls out there really going to try to sell that as an insult? Let’s shut that down right now. It’s not cool… Change your viewpoint. Listen, it is immeasurably ignorant to say someone is “gay” because they like style or art. We all have plenty of friends WHO HAVE great fashion sense and plenty who don’t. It has nothing to do with sexual preference and is very offensive and small-minded to think that way (let alone spew it directly at people like it even matters). I am so proud of my stylishly savvy husband in everything that he does, and I’m still beaming that he was featured as a style expert in Dallas. At the end of the day, the most important thing here is love. You don’t need even half a brain to figure that one out.
When it comes to the Brandi and Stephanie confrontation, it was very difficult to sit in my position and not choose sides. Even though I saw myself potentially getting pulled into another non-existent issue with a hot dog, I chose to stand my ground and keep my mouth shut while these two long time friends finally had a moment to speak. It’s like I said before, why take on extra conflict? I mean, I’m watching these girls, keeping an eye on my tiny dog, and also watching my kid in the middle of a park – all while still trying to get to the bottom of what’s really going on between Steph and Brandi. I desperately didn’t want to be in the middle of that; but it felt like Brandi was the one who was actually putting me there. Brandi’s major frustration is over me calling Stephanie my “ride or die” this summer in a Tweet? Um… It was a cycling charity event for domestic violence survivors that Stephanie invited me to. Girl…“Ride or die” was the event hashtag to publicize the event… a -cycling- charity event at Soulcycle… like ride or die literally meant ride a bike to raise money for a shelter so someone doesn’t die from domestic violence. But now a little jealousy is getting in the way of Brandi’s friendship with Stephanie that long outdated mine? Sounds like a reach. That combined with the fact that I’m sure Stephanie tried to get Brandi there, too, and she simply chose not to come. I really wasn’t sure what to say in that moment when I realized that my friendship with Stephanie was somehow affecting Brandi (and we’re all friends!).
When Brandi brought up the whole text-gate thing, I got upset because I really do care about Brandi and Stephanie and didn’t want to get in the middle of whatever mess they were dealing with. To this day, I still don’t get it. And I should not have to. It’s their friendship- I didn’t think it was right to involve myself or allow myself to get pulled in. At that moment, with all of the feelings that Brandi explained to me, I was a little crushed and lost my cool because it seemed at that point impossible to just be a supportive friend from the sidelines and not end up with an irrelevant issue of my own to deal with. That really sucks because, while I love my girlfriends, it started to become apparent in that moment that I just I can’t be friends with everyone.
That’s life though, isn’t it… My biggest regret this episode?
That we didn’t get to see my little Lily in her puppicino costume! She was so CUTE! So, none of the Deubers won public awards tonight!!!? Hey – what can you expect, right? It was a long day, full of judging, confrontation, and fair food… and we all know I don’t have the best luck around this group and hot dogs.”
Photo Credit: Bravo