“I’ve never had a problem getting f*cked,” Brandi Glanville writes in her new book ‘Drinking & Dating.’ In the book, Glanville recalls some of her off-camera booty calls, dates, and one-night-stands, including some of her hookups with famous men. While she doesn’t name names, she does go into detail about some of her most memorable hookups.
The first man she talks about is “the actor/rapper/political hopeful.”
“He was the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen,” Glanville says. “Tall, dark, and handsome with milk chocolate skin, luscious lips, and the sort of chiseled abs you could see through his T-shirt.” The first night they met, “I immediately recognized him from one of my favorite TV shows,” she says. When they first hooked up, Brandi was happy to discover “His manhood was enormous — the perfect cherry on top of this gorgeous chocolate sundae. It was so large that he had to special-order condoms just to fit him.”
“But there was one problem I couldn’t seem to get over,” she reveals. “He was a huge f*cking stoner. … Every time he smoked, his ego seemed to inflate and I felt like I was just there as a sounding board for all his grandiose dreams. Acting, he explained, wasn’t his end goal. After winning his first Oscar (For either acting or producing, he wasn’t quite sure yet) and becoming a Grammy Award-winning recording artist, he planned to become a politician.” Brandi admits she tried to smoke pot with him to try and bring them closer, but eventually their relationship fizzled out.
Another hookup with an addiction issue was “the fallen star,” “one of the most attractive men I’d ever laid eyes on,” Glanville writes, with “sparkly aqua-colored eyes, more tousled brown hair, and large chiseled arms covered in tattoos.” Aware of his history of addiction, Glanville says she only dated him after seeing AA slogans on his Facebook page. All seemed to be going well until one night she met him at a party and he was drinking a beer.
“There were so many things wrong with this, it’s not even funny,” she says. “But he said [it was ok] so calmly and matter-of-factly, I indulged him for that one evening. I’ve known a few people close to me who struggle with addiction, and although I had never heard this ‘just the tip’ method with drugs and alcohol, I didn’t want to make a scene at this party.”
After the party, Brandi says he was MIA for three days. “He went on a three-day coke-field bender with a bunch of his old friends,” she says. Not long after, he went to rehab, and is now married with at least one child, and Glanville says she believes he is “going to be okay.”
Next is “the boy wonder,” a 28-year-old “accomplished filmmaker who resided in one of the most exclusive and luxurious hotels in Los Angeles.”
“Despite the success he’d already found, [he] was still a little boy in so many ways,” she writes. “He’d arrive for dinner in a Polo shirt with an oversized Ralph Lauren brand logo, jeans, sneakers, and a mop of messy brown hair on top of his head.” He he “had a thing for cougars.” When he didn’t make a move after their first night together, Glanville says she “thought he must be gay.” But more than a year later, they finally did the deed after becoming close friends. Glanville admits to being “semi-intoxicated” and says “I barely remember it.”
That wasn’t an issue with a height-challenged “up-and-coming comedian” who would become a household name. “He had the kind of face you remember,” Glanville writes. “Sharp features, thick dark hair, and a goofy grin.”
“We laughed so hard … that my stomach was hurting and my jaw was sore (It sometimes ends up sore after a date, but not from giggling),” Brandi says of their first date. “It only turned awkward when I asked him why he still had photos of his ex-girlfriend, now a well-known actress, everywhere. He mumbled something and changed the subject.”
“We had spent the entire evening laughing so much that I couldn’t stop laughing when it was time to get serious,” Glanville admits. “Every time I looked at him, I’d think of something funny he said or remember one of his characters and would burst into hysterics. It didn’t help the mood.” The relationship went nowhere after that.
Finally Brandi gets graphic describing the NBA player she dated who is also friends with Kris Humphries. “He was six feet eleven,” Glanville says. “…The energy between us was out of control and even the simplest gestures became sexual.”
“We couldn’t keep our hands off each other,” she remembers. “…By the time I was on my third glass of wine and he was on this third potato vodka, the heat was turning up. His hand found its way under the table and up my dress. … It was on like Donkey Kong.” On the way back to his place “We made out like teenagers every time the car hit a traffic light or stop sign,” she writes. “His fingers were all sorts of ways up my dress … ’You have to pull over,’ I said with heavy breath…”
“When the car was finally in park, I tried to get on top of him,” she explains, “but it was not working in this tiny car.” So Brandi admits they had sex on the hood of his car by the side of the road.
Photo Credit: Bravo