Aviva Drescher: Kristen Is A Mean Girl

Aviva

Aviva Drescher is taking to her Bravo Blog this week to talk about her asthma and the cast trip to Montana. Aviva says that she believes Kristen is just another mean girl that has been influenced by mean girls.

Aviva writes, “”I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I’m pretty.”

Our introductory blurbs at the top of each episode range from the brash (“Sometimes Sonja has to go commando.”) to the ridiculous (Carole’s “check out my great ass”) to Kristen’s sad sing-songy, self-loathing battle cry, quoted above.

When I first heard it, I thought “Oh no, Kristen, don’t! You’re not a dumb blonde; you’re a smart, accomplished woman.” I thought she might be buying this grotesque characterization from her Neanderthal husband and making it the feature of her personality. The evidence was to the contrary. She was a successful model, still kept herself in great shape, and was raising her children practically single handedly while husband Josh devoted himself to business.

Now I’m not so sure.

The Real Housewives of New York City is not unlike high school. At the beginning of the season you had the returning “mean girls” — ringleader Carole, Heather (there is always a “Heather” in the “mean girls”), and occasional cameos from LuAnn slithering onto the scene. They flex their nasty muscles by aggressively preying on the outliers Ramona, Sonja, and me. They pounced on Kristen from the first day of class and recruited her for their clique. A pack of rabid Scientologists couldn’t have done it better.

Kristen’s pretty head was turned by the flattery and the sense of belonging to the cool girls. Funny thing is, I don’t blame her. It’s seductive getting all that attention from the self-appointed smart set. Kristen took to it all too well. Her bonding with Carole and Heather led inevitably to her attacking Sonja and Ramona and Aviva.

My first experience was in what I like to call STFUgate. Kristen had called for a playdate for our kids at a pottery painting shop. We’d barely put their little hands to work scribbling on mugs when Kristen laced into me for. . . I can’t even remember now. I felt I’d been led into a trap so Kristen would have the opportunity to show her aggressive mean girl side to her sponsors and our viewers. STFU, I explained to her (out of earshot of our budding artists). In response, I got the famous Kristen wide-eyed, gaping mouth look (like Edvard Munch’s “The Scream,” but pretty!).

In this episode, it’s Asthmagate. I’d been looking forward to the trip to Montana. I thought of it as my confident coming out party after last season’s St. Barth’s debacle. I was going to dance on the tables with Ramona, leer at cowboys in chaps with Sonja, and maybe even make up and talk books with Carole (OK, I know, I went too far there). Unfortunately, my asthma flared up and my doctors insisted I not go on the trip. Up until the last minute, I was hoping to be well enough, and I alerted Kristen to what was going on. Kristen flipped. She demanded I get a doctor’s letter. I thought, “What, are we 12? Is this junior high?” and then I remembered, “Oh yeah, we are/it is.” In the interest of appeasing the shocked and awed Kristen, I produced the letter. It actually wasn’t a big deal because I thought I might need it for something else like, oh I don’t know, an excuse for being late to my nail appointment or maybe missing a PTA meeting or anything where adults are treated as naughty children. I thought Kristen would be impressed that my note wasn’t scrawled on a napkin saying something like, “Please excuse Aviva because I’m sick.” It was from an actual board-certified doctor. Printed on real stationary. And signed. It may have helped that my primary care physician is something of a “Doctor to the Stars,” with such notable patients as Andy Cohen.

But it wasn’t good enough for Dr. Kristen whose knee jerk reaction to any piece of news she doesn’t want to hear is “you’re lying.”

Kristen: “I don’t understand how this could have just come on!”

Well, Dr. Kristen, that’s how things somehow work in real life. Say, God forbid, someone has a massive heart attack and dies on the spot, would Kristen stand over the body, eyes blazing and say, “Oh really! Sure, I suppose this just came on. You don’t really expect me to believe that!”

Or was it “Aviva can’t stay away from her husband.” Or “Aviva can’t stand to be in the country because that’s where she lost her leg.” Or “Aviva can’t find a cowboy boot that fits over her fake foot.” Or, Carole’s old refrain, “Aviva’s just weird. Weird. Weird, weird, weird.” Among civilized people when an illness prevents someone from keeping an engagement you get, “Oh, I’m so sorry; I hope you feel better soon.” In Housewifeland, you get, “You’re lying and by the way I hope you die from it.”

I’m sorry I’m missing the trip girls, but I’m looking forward to a vacation from Kristen.

P.S.: You all know that I can laugh at myself and my physical challenge. For example, my book is called Leggy Blonde and my blurb at the top of the show is “When people tell me I’m fake, I know they’re just pulling my leg.” I’m even OK when friends joke about it. Usually. But whoever made that cruel practical joke of having a wheel chair with my name at the Missoula airport went too far. Cripple jokes? Really?”

Photo Credit: Bravo

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12 Replies to “Aviva Drescher: Kristen Is A Mean Girl”

  1. Too funny but so true. Aviva aligned herself with the right people – Ramona and Sonya – the crazy ones. Aviva if you hate the others so much, then get the hell off the show.

  2. I’m still trying really hard to give you a chance, Aviva- because it looks like you haven’t got a real friend in the world. You keep doing the same thing to yourself over and over again & I just wonder when you are going to GET IT?! Every time you are on the show now, you have a major argument or disagreement with someone! YOU are the GCF here- not Carole- tho I can’t stand her, and not Kristen, whom I like very much. Kristen is no dummy! She is not afraid to speak her mind to anyone about anything & I usually agree with her. You, on the other hand, get so defensive so quickly and turn everything into a raging argument. How can you function or live with all of these major disagreements & quarreling with everyone around you all the time? Then you seem to have a moment of clarity- apologize for your nasty behavior- throwing pills at Kristen, calling everyone out on all kinds of bs & then you do it again! You have a terrible temper and cannot control that snarky tongue of yours at all! No, I did not believe your excuses about not going to Montana either. You ALWAYS have an excuse! The thing I find really sad is how much Kristen really wanted you there! Did you see that at all Aviva? Did you catch that? You’ve been nasty to her too & she wanted you to come anyway and have fun. Like I said…….. I didn’t believe you either. If you don’t want to go, just say no. I don’t know why she even wanted you there. You just cause trouble everywhere you go! Seriously, if you would just listen to what people are trying to tell you & stop raging on them, maybe you could have a few friends and a little fun in your life. Stop nitpicking everything! Try to go with the flow just once in a while.

  3. Why can’t we comment on the Bravo blogs anymore? I’ve looked at the Real Housewives blogs for the past 2 days and the comments have just disappeared! I’ve looked online to see if there was a reason posted somewhere but I can’t find any. Are they gone for good?

    1. I noticed the same thing. Often the readers comments are more entertaining than the cast blog. I hope this is just a glitch in the system and not more media censoring!

  4. Personally I say good for Kristen for calling Aviva on her crazies. Kristen just had the guts to say what everyone was thinking. I have no idea if Aviva is sick or not, but who finds it necessary to get a doctor’s note to cancel on a girls trip? A normal person says I can’t go.

  5. A normal person would say “sorry I can’t go I have other plans.” The other plan would be not to go anywhere with these women who always find something to argue about.

    1. Again Aviva puts the blame on everyone else. Is there anyone on the show from last 2 seasons that she hasnt offended? Grow up Aviva, you r the problem not the others, you need to leave the show and maybe they can get more viewers.

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